Tall Angry Monster

Olympics Shmuhshmimpus

08/21/2008 11:44 AM

Unless you've managed to hide in a cave for the last week or so, you've probably caught a glimpse of the Olympics. If you haven't noticed, I commend your ability to ignore television, newspapers, internet, loudmouth ladies, and oceans of corporte tie-ins.

Personally, I've never understood all the intrigue with the event, but I suppose I can understand why people might find it entertaining. What I can't understand, however, is the alternate reality millions of people live in. I thought some things were common sense, but apparently not. So allow me to spell it out.

Contrary to the news and idiots everywhere, Michael Phelps is NOT a hero. Unless he's pulling drowning babies out of that pool while swimming laps, he's just an athlete. When did making millions of dollars doing something you love, become the call sign of a hero?

I've got one question for the IOC, how exactly did China win the bid for the Olympics? Lets see, worst pollution in the world. Check. Dangerously oppresive government. Check. Controlled internet and rampant censorship. Check. If we're luck, maybe they were able to construct the stadiums using child labor and lead painted Fisher Price toys.

In the past we've disqualifed Olympic contendors for failing gender tests, steroid use, and even smoking weed. But undeniable proof that champions didn't meet age qualifications, that's cool, we can look the other way.

I don't really care about the outcome of it all, but cheating is for ass hats, and China can kiss my ass.

Olympics Shmuhshmimpics,

- Mike

That is 2 Ls