Tall Angry Monster

Come Fly the Fatty Skies

04/11/2008 7:36 AM

For the last couple of weeks I've spent more time around the airport than... some guy who spends a lot of time flying. After 2 and half weeks of flying around this half of the world, I'm finally back in Minneapolis. During my many flights I've realized a few things about the airline industry.
1. There's an inverse relationship to the quality of toilet paper vs. the necessity
2. Airplanes are designed to punish people

More on the first one later. Today I'm concentrating on the larger folk that inhabit our tiny airplanes. Folks, I understand you couldn't resist that extra cheeseburger, and that last fry is too tasty to let go. Maybe its just a glandular problem, it doesn't matter. Your fat ass does NOT belong in an airplane unless you're paying the guy next to you for half of his seat.

And hey, if your seat doesn't tilt back until you force it, maybe there's a reason tubby. Did you ever consider that the guy behind you already didn't have any room? Because your colosal guy needed to lean back, the poor bastard behind you gets to feast on his knees for the next 3 hours. As if the noxious fumes coming out of your ass weren't enough, your flabby arms are seeping onto the lap of the frightened man next you.

I shit you not, during 2 of my flights, a guy needed a seatbelt extender because he was so large. Its bad enough having less legroom than a matchbox car, a head rest too short for run chinese guy, and the aural pleasure of snoring McGee, but losing half of the seat you payed $700 for is the last straw. Fuck all of you kankle sporting bastards too selfish to buy the first class seat.

- Angered Mike

That is 2 Ls